if you strip away the myth from the man you get

the words. that don't make sense and spend their nights wailing in the darkness, crying to someone who isn't there and always was and doesn't care. all the good you've done gets washed away with the grit, the stuff cut with ground-up cold tablets and sudafed's off the streets, no getting high on cough syrup

no new messiah here, just the same stupid fool on the hill watching the sun going down

I wish I knew the right words.

I didn't hear you leave; I wonder how am I still here?
And I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory

Shooting's wrapped up, quicker than normal. Soon everyone'll be moving out, making way for new stars in the sky. I left yesterday before the shine came off everything, before the sets were dismantled to show the grey stone beneath the paint. Gilded cages and gilded walls and princesses in thousand-dollar gowns, and the small parts are easier to slip away from than the lead, in the end. The lead's the one the cameras are all on.

London's beneath the sets, grey and cold. Lift the wings and sing. Broadway and the West End merge together into a bastard son of a nameless whore and I trod the boards with the greats, singing Marius Pontmercy and a soldier lying beneath fields of green and serenaded Maria. Faces blur night after night until there's just a crowd looking at you and one stands out

how can the heart survive when it's love's denied so long?

flight over the ocean, dark and blue in the night, Atlantis beneath the waves hiding from the cruelty of humankind. Tears across the English channel. pretty faces smile for the girls and the flash of the lights mocks the starlight that's too weak to get through the clouds.

London fog.

I give her long distance and a name that's mine more than my own. Just another role, another part, more lines to learn and the lines blur into whiteness on a mirror that burns when you breathe and London fog is cold outside, cold inside.

no regrets. Shouldn't have come for me but you can't change the course of the past and all I've left is the black-hearted memory and her face as she left and I should have said something but she had the gun and oh god forgive me, god in heaven full of grace stop burning in my blood i'm sorry

she said thank you for waiting and i can see blood behind her eyes, what was it like the day she died? i'd ask but he doesn't remember.

hail mary. the mother is forgiving, more than god who is full of wrath and burns cities and sends the flood. he sends the storm.

hail mary full of grace




remember the words, you knew this. you believed it, maybe believe it still

hail mary full of grace
the lord is with thee
blessed art thou amongst women
and bless'd is the fruit of thy womb, jesus
holy mary, mother of god
pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death

holy mary mother of god who was never there, i don't know how they can believe sometimes becyase so much happene dthat was bad and i shoulnd't remember but it's all there

I shall see you in my garden and spring will come and stay

SOS STOP KIDNAPPED BY CRAZY TINY BLONDE WOMAN STOP NOT THE ONE MARRIED TO DEREK STOP SEND HELP STOP

(In other words, Allie and I went to visit Scott since Aingeal's all over this weird-ass case she's got, we overdosed on Scooby Doo and now apparently she is going to take over the world.)

And we cannot escape! Have you ever tried to escape from someone with Allie's eyesight?




You know, I'm fairly sure Fabian and Will still have keys to my apartment. - Scott


RESCUE. - Edward


(This would be easier if you'd stop imitating the Scooby Doo villains, you know. - Scott)


But that wouldn't be fun! - Edward

I don't know why any of you asked me to come here, but I have to go. I've got work starting this month.

Good luck with whatever it is you're doing, anyway.

There was the stage: Two red lights and a dodgy PA
You trod the planks way back then
And it's strange that you're here again
Here again




Here again.

Ain, sugarcakes, I hope you're okay. I sort of left London for a bit, after you and Ezra came to see me. Had to see the old place again.

Blackburn hasn't changed.

I don't know why I thought it would.




And I wish I, wish I knew the right words
To make you feel better, walk out of this place
And defeat them in your secret battle:
Show them you can be your own man again

What the fuck am I doing?

I can't sleep. There's rain on the windowsill and the moon's full enough to light it, and I can't sleep.

I saw it on the news. I wish

I might explore London tomorrow. I miss the West End shows.

I'm not looking forward to this, entirely.

I mean. Aingeal was always nice, I liked her. And Scotty at least talked to me, when he wasn't off with Liss. And I liked Allie-oo. I don't know the others, and I'm pretty sure they're there. It's about Douglas, they have to be there.

Fucking hell. Fucking Douglas and his fucking little power trips and fuck the whole world, I don't want to do this. I don't want to see them again.

Where've you run off to, Allie-oo? Did you see the news about Bobby and Vascha and just vamoose before it happened to you, too? Clever, clever little girl, you always were. No more monkeys jumping on the bed, no sir.

Fuck you, Douglas, fuck your therapy, fuck the world in its ear. Fuck my perfect fucking sister whose brains splattered all over the fucking concrete.

They have to be there. It doesn't make sense if they're not there. I don't want them to be there.

We're in for a nasty summer this year, apparently. There's been a lot of rain down Sydney way, but that doesn't do much good for the inland, and Liz isn't sure how many hands she'll be able to afford to keep on this year.

She could probably do with keeping Mike and Cortez, so I might see what the prospects are for my other work and let her know she won't need to worry about keeping me around this time.

Finally got a call back about doing Denial. They're not happy I turned down Jack Lincoln for White Johnny, but they'll deal. They're not that upset, anyway; I didn't turn them down for good.

-- oh, hey, there's a production of Twelfth Night being done in Sydney this summer. Might have to look into that, although I'm going to steadfastly refuse to play Sebastian.